Dorothy Ann Spilman's Obituary
Dorothy Ann Spilman was born in Newburyport, Essex County, Massachusetts on November 4, 1931.
She was the only child of Walter Albert Gardner and Olive Abbie Dadmun. On December 7, 1941 when she was ten, teachers closed school early and she ran home because she thought bombs were coming right away. Her father (a veteran of the Spanish - American War and World War I ) gently laughed , calmed her fears, and sent her to the store to buy some bread. She graduated from Quincy High School in 1949, obtained her cosmetology license, and began her career as a hairdresser in Boston, Massachusetts.
On October 17, 1952 in Boston, Massachusetts, Dorothy married a handsome young sailor named Riley Copher, born to Ida Ethel Tucker and John Millard Copher on April 8, 1931 in Shamrock, Creek County, Oklahoma. On the morning after their marriage, the United States Navy ordered Riley to leave his new bride to serve in the Korean War. Riley and Dorothy were barely twenty-one years old when his service ended, and he returned to Boston to meet their three-week-old daughter Pauline.
Around 1955 Dorothy and Riley left her home, family, and friends in Boston to build their future near his family. He became a bus driver for the San Diego Transit System, worked hard, learned how to fix cars at his brother Carl’s garage, enjoyed poker, pinochle card games and country-western music, and was well-loved by all his regular passengers. Dorothy learned how to drive, plan cost-effective menus, cook fried okra that was Riley’s favorite, sew, clean, do laundry (with no machine), iron, burp babies, soothe hurts and fevers, and more. She loved being a mother and a stay-at-home “household manager,” and her “in-laws” became her dearest friends.
During their 14-year marriage, Riley and Dorothy had four children who loved them dearly: Pauline Karen Copher (born 1953 in Boston, Massachusetts while her father was at sea), Cheryl Ann Copher (born 1957), Patricia Lynn Copher (born 1961), and Nancy Elaine Copher (born 1964). Their three youngest daughters were all born in San Diego County. Riley passed away on March 7, 1988 but his tenderness still abides.
When Dorothy and Riley’s marriage ended in 1966, she studied hard and became a nurse’s aide at Mercy Hospital in San Diego. She dedicated herself to a field that became her passion. While she worked full-time as a nurse’s aide, she raised her daughters and studied hard at night to become a nurse. Once when she was falling asleep over her books, one daughter softly asked when she would sleep. “I have to get an A on this test tomorrow,” Dorothy replied. She asked again, “Would it be OK if just this once you only got a B so you could rest?” Dorothy looked into her daughter’s eyes. “Would you only want a ‘B’ nurse?”
Dorothy always felt at home near the ocean and San Diego’s warm beaches. She met Walter John Schalko (an auto mechanic who had been a burn patient at Mercy Hospital), and their favorite family outing was to the sheltered bays at Crown Point. She would watch her growing girls splashing happily in the water, and after a while announce, “Honey, it’s time to come out now, you’re so cold your lips are turning blue.” Wouldn’t she have laughed if she had known that, long after her daughters were grown, blue lipstick would become a trend! Walt and Dorothy married in November 1968. The family moved to La Mesa, where her daughters grew to adulthood.
On September 10, 1970 Dorothy graduated from the Grossmont Adult School Vocational Nursing program. She took her State of California exams and became a Licensed Vocational Nurse, still working at Mercy Hospital in San Diego. Dorothy and Walt’s marriage ended nine months later in June 1971, and he passed away on October 27,1985. In February 1979, Dorothy married Everett George Spilman (a retired Air Force veteran of the Korean and Vietnam wars, and professional chef on a tuna-fishing fleet). Wives were not usually allowed aboard working vessels, but she did happily join him to share one leg of a cruise through the Panama Canal. During their marriage, they danced and enjoyed trying new foods together (such as Everett’s macrobiotic rice).
By the early 1980s, the AIDS crisis had overtaken San Diego County. Scientists had not discovered the cause, hospitals were developing new protocols to keep staff and patients safe, and protective equipment became scarce. When that happened, nurses were told to re-use their soiled gear and to accept the associated risks of contamination to themselves and/or their families. Dorothy was not willing, so she tearfully resigned from the profession she loved. Then, she studied at Grossmont Adult School to re-make her professional self yet again. She trained her own staff and became a bookkeeper, receptionist, and office manager for “Everett’s Cleaning & Repair” (her husband’s business). Dorothy and Everett’s 17-year marriage ended in 1996, and he passed away on February 15, 2019.
Dorothy loved to sing, especially in the barbershop style. On July 15, 2000 she joined the California Note Catchers, which is a chapter of Harmony, Inc. This international organization focuses on empowering all women through education, friendship and singing, and it certainly did that for Dorothy. She rehearsed and polished her skills to sing throughout the community with her chorus and in two registered quartets: “On Q 4 U” (with Barbara Evje, Lisa Hohman and Karen Hasman) and the “Ginger Snaps,” with (Faith Lawrence, Lisa, and Karen). She served a term as the chapter’s Board Secretary. As a chorus Section Leader, she held practice sessions in her home and coached individual members to help them with their parts.
In 2002 she won the “Barbershopper of the Year Award,” which is the highest award a chapter can bestow. It is awarded by vote annually to one member to recognize valued contributions of service, time, work, and efforts given to the chorus throughout the year. In 2007 she won the coveted Jean Morrell Award, an annual Director’s award to honor musical excellence and musical achievements. Dorothy resigned on November 19, 2009, but not before she found many lifelong friends.
Surviving Dorothy are four daughters, five grandchildren, and six great-grandchildren. Our family takes comfort in God’s promise that we will laugh, and hug, and sing with her again in Heaven.
“When I was born, I opened my eyes and there was Mom. She was the first person who loved me, and she loved me with her whole heart. She was my teacher, my dear friend, my fiercest protector and my most enthusiastic cheerleader. She always inspired me to be my best self and forgave me whenever I didn’t. Her praise, her joy, her love, and her sweet face will always be precious beyond words.”
Pauline (Copher) Jimenez
“Mom, I’m assured of your love even though we are apart, because so much we have shared is written on my heart.”
Cheryl Copher
“Mom, when I was little and cars didn’t have seatbelts, I used to stand on the back seat so I could talk to you while you were in the front seat. It was an old black car with a stick shift! You always had wisdom that was so determined and true. You were so helpful and only wanted the best for me, never steering me wrong. We used to talk on the phone almost every day, but I will still talk to you in my prayers until I see your face again.”
Patty (Copher) Tuori
“Mom was my best friend and confidant. She was my personal advice counselor, makeup and fashion advisor, taste tester, music and movie influencer and travel companion, my whole life coach. Her hugs and positive encouragement, her solid examples of faith and determination, her smiles of approval and real, unconditional love will always stay with me.”
Nancy (Copher) D’Adamo
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